|
Seven Ways to Manage Your Conversations
Dealing with adversarial relationships can be tough. These
seven tips will make your difficult job a bit easier.
1. Pause before responding. Let the other person get
more words in if he wants. Don’t cut him off; that only
exacerbates the situation. In responding, avoid using words
like "but" and "however" because they usually cancel out the
first part of a sentence, lessening the message. "I understand
the situation but we’re going to have to …"
is an example of how the word "but" lessened the effect of
the initial positive statement "I understand."
2. Discreetly praise players. Congratulate them on
good plays and encourage sportsmanship. You can win over many
players with a kind word; that can help you later in the game
if problems arise.
3. No matter whom you’re dealing with, apply the
"golden rule." Do unto others as you would have them do
unto you. Be reasonable with the words you choose and the
tone you use. It will go a long way to handling situations
effectively.
4. It’s OK to say you made a mistake. Honesty
is your best policy. Under no circumstances should you try
to lie your way out of trouble. People know and then they’ll
think you can’t be trusted. Lying fuels their negative
perceptions of officials.
An old school of thought in officiating was, "Never admit
making a mistake." That theory has gone away over time. If
you blew a call, it’s OK to admit it quietly to the coach
or player. Many times, they’ll respect you more for that
than if you tried to twist the truth and equivocate. Most
coaches understand you can’t change judgment calls, but
admitting you missed it often ends the argument. Do it too
often however and your reputation will suffer.
5. If a coach or player is begging, listen to that person.
If a reply is necessary, reply with an even tone. Be brief.
Do not use sarcasm or put-downs. Acknowledge the person that
you’ve heard and understand the complaint. That’s
not an admission of guilt or error on your part; it merely
shows the person you are listening. Many times, all the person
wants is to be heard.
6. You may be able to smile or use humor to diffuse
a potentially volatile situation. Be careful; what you
think might be funny may not at all be to the person, thus
adding to the problem. However, smiles and a deflective word
can work in the heat of battle. An official who can chuckle
or smile is in control. An official who can’t see the
humor in a situation may be perceived to be uptight.
However, officials shouldn’t get into joke telling.
It’s simply too dangerous because people differ in what
amuses them. What you might think is a great joke might offend
the listener. Try humor sparingly and make it as light as
possible.
Humorous attempts can also cause problems. Here’s an
example that didn’t work.
A basketball player missed a free throw and used a four-letter
word, which the referee heard. The referee said, "Hey, what
if your mother heard you say that word?" The player responded,
"My mother died a month ago." Discretion is the byword.
7. Don’t ever utter the phrase, "It’s
just a game." Few phrases turn participants to rage quicker
than that one. Remember, they’ve worked all week, all
season and all their careers for that game. It is critically
important to them, no matter what the sport or level. That
phrase is often interpreted by coaches and players as a flippant
"I don’t care" response. Basically, it is demeaning.
Follow those seven tips when dealing with players and coaches
and the relationships developed will be positive for the game.
|
