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Resolving Conflicts
As an official, when you are involved in a conflict, your
goal is to resolve it. You have to fight the tendency to want
to win the argument. It’s a subtle difference but critical
to conflict management.
When resolving a conflict, the best outcome is when there
are two "winners." If there is only one winner,
self-esteem and trust erodes in the loser. To avoid that,
strive to keep an open dialogue and keep thinking about the
words you choose and the way they impact the situation. There’s
an old officiating saying that summarizes this philosophy:
"As officials, we always have the last word. However,
we don’t always have to say it."
Psychologist and author Dr. Bruce Baldwin has detailed
a plan to help resolve conflict.
1. Permit the other person to talk without interrupting.
Have the courtesy to listen before you say anything. It is
then more likely that the other person will extend you the
same courtesy. When both sides have been adequately heard,
problem-solving begins.
Retired National League umpire Doug Harvey, one of the
most respected ever to work the profession, applied his "10-Second
Rule." He gave a manager who argued with him 10 seconds
to vent before Harvey responded. His theory: The comments
from the arguer were so emotional that his breath couldn’t
last for more than 10 seconds. When he stopped to take a breath,
Harvey could calmly begin his explanation.
2. Limit discussion only to the immediate issue that
is adversely affecting your relationship. One of the fastest
ways to get off to a bad start in solving a problem is to
rehash the past or bring the discussion into other non-pertinent
issues. A few coaches like to do that. You’ve got to
"keep them in the box," meaning keep them focused
on the play or situation they are complaining about. Coaches
may try to talk about things that happened earlier in the
game. When they do that, say something like, "Let’s
focus on this play and get it resolved. Now, how did you see
this play?"
3. Choose an optimal time to bring up and discuss
problems. Many problems that compromise positive conflict
resolution can be avoided by carefully choosing the time to
discuss a particular issue. To find that time, approach the
other person when you are both calm and free to talk. Dead-ball
time, like during a timeout or between periods, is a great
time for officials to talk to people. Keep the conversations
focused and brief.
4. Judiciously avoid the other person’s vulnerabilities
or emotional sensitivities. Everyone has personal vulnerabilities
and it’s very tempting to hit below the belt. It is a
sign of maturity to avoid those areas when engaged in conflict.
A deliberate strike at a personal vulnerability is irrelevant
as well as hurtful. It also invites a counterattack focusing
on your areas of sensitivity. No one will trust you with emotionally
sensitive information if you use it as a weapon whenever there
is a problem. In other words, it is inappropriate for the
official to counter-attack. A testy umpire once shouted to
a coach who had questioned a safe call in softball, "I
see that white hair under your cap. You probably think your
huge experience entitles you to second guess …."
Sarcasm is never a good instrument for promoting serenity.
Probably the biggest temptation to avoid is using a team’s
record or game score as a weapon. When a team is losing in
lopsided fashion and a coach or player is complaining about
a call, it is very tempting to fire back with, "You’ve
won only three games this year and you’re down a bunch
today. Maybe you should start focusing on playing instead
of officiating. You’ve got a lot of work to do."
While the premise behind that statement is true, saying it
gets you in trouble. You’ve used a team’s vulnerability
to your advantage, a bona fide taboo.
5. Regularly touch base with the other person.
It is customary not to take the time to talk when things seem
to be going well. If you don’t talk when things are going
well, then angry interactions may be the only times when you
connect with coaches and players. Make it a point to make
periodic comments about the progress of the game, even if
those remarks may be innocuous, of meager substance. Continuing
dialogue is one of the best possible ways to avoid problems.
That concept straddles a fine line too. You want lines of
communication open with participants, but you can’t have
a constant running dialogue with them. Talking should be limited
to brief words at appropriate times, such as during a dead
ball interval. Keep in mind you are only sending the message
that you are willing to communicate; you are not commenting
on all facets of play.
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